super random...feeling or thoughts...or whatever...

how long has it been since i come back to whine again....hahaha...

i have been guessing for soooo long or connecting up the dots...and i hope that all the thing i guess or connected dot is all wrong

and if is the truth...i hope that i am the one who hear it and not the one who tear down the lie

I hope my sixth sense, thought, prediction, guess are all wrong..

RIGHT?

Memory Log Start

Been writing alot of random stuff which i felt...

sometimes i have a feeling where i should be left alone or stay away from people...why?

Many month ago, i found out one thing of myself which i never notice which is i am quite a possessive person. I never notice i have this in me or should i said i never had that feeling before.
Until now this feeling sometimes do still happen....maybe I am just too comfortable for what i have....
As far as i remember, i never do “doubted” or  "suspect" a person before or the choice i made...which is after that happen....i start to know what is "doubted" and "suspect"....never like that feeling...need too much of thinking to do...affect my whole day feelings...cause me to feel uneasy....really hate that feeling...really...
Nowadays i am doing my best to throw this feeling back...way back in my head...hope that one day i will forget that feeling....thought it might work....trying push everything which will stir up this uneasy feeling way back in my head....avoiding as much as possible....but even though i like it or not...subconsciously my head will just think about it....really is that weird...really hate it....
This time what make it worst is......i duno who i can find and talk with.....really want to find a person to talk with....i just want to find a person to hear me out.....but i know everyone have their own problems to face too...but sometimes u just feel like finding a person just to hear u out, just to leave that weight away from your chest...just to take down that smiley mask which u have been wearing all the time....just to be out of stage...be the real YOU which is under the mask for this long time acting happily like every thing is fine and ok...just to take a brief rest from all that performance you have show to the world...
I know what am i asking is quite a lot...since everyone have their own problem to face right?...and what make me so special which i can have this privilege right?...i mean there are people facing a hell lot of a bigger problem and might not find a person who hear them out....maybe is a burden i need to bare, an obstacle i need to face alone....
Maybe is a challenge which is given by life...which needed me to face it alone...so that when i have solved it...i will be stronger......right??

Memory Log End

feeling random againg?!

Random Log

Whoa! been logging a lot of random stuff lately hahaha
let get started....here another random log hahaha...

sometimes u think u are indestructible no matter what life throws at u,

u think that
"I have seen so much and walk so far, I will BE FINE" hahaha.

Sure it u wont feel anything when it hit u, but as it stacking up and each time it hit the same spot over and over, surely that protection that covering u will gone.

Sure u will said,
"what the heck is just a crack, I will recover in no time and everything will be fine as usual." 

but that single crack will be that vulnerable spot and with each crack is on that protection of your, the more vulnerable u are.....and when it reach to a certain point u will think that....
why in the past I used to laugh at those wound and scars, but why now when that same was being ripped open again I cant bare that little pain which is causes by it.....
It is because the protection which is protecting u was being attacked in the same spots so many times and at last it have reach the heart....

sometimes hiding or acting u are fine and all doesn't mean u are strong,
It somehow an act of coward which is u are trying to avoid reality,
showing the pain and confronting the problem even tough it hurt,
It better then hiding or avoiding from it......because...in the end
is those scar and wound which will make us grow and prepare our self
in the future....

hahaha....it seems like i have learned something hahaha...the hard way

Random Log End

random...?

Memory log start....

i never thought i did get this feeling....i never thought i did get angry at him..at my 兄弟...this is  really the 1st time...i duno they notice anot...i was trying hold it back....i try to talk lesser and control my hand gesture because i can feel it shaking.....but the anger didnt last long....suppose i should not get angry right? Since兄弟 not suppose to get angry about small things like this but, why did i get angry.....this is really the 1st time...issit my jealousy? or issit i take everything to dam serious...

random log end....

Random Log

Memory Log Start

each person see things differently...
sometime that things seems like nothing to a person...
might be something to another person...
this is what make people unique...
in a way we precept other differently...
which generate different perspective of things...
and generate different idea for things...
which make the world much more different...
and interesting and it is also...
because of this it make people sometimes...
walk down the same path, or separate ways...
when a person meet someone think alike...
they will walk down the same path...
when they started to think differently...
or find other which have a more similar thought...
it will make them a much more colorful group...
can start to have more interesting things happens...
or that less similar one will be left out...
or become the minority one...
and then it will slowly come to a conjunction...
where is either stay...
or continue to walk down the other path...
some take the walk...
some choose to stay...
this is because everyone see things differently...
each will find different answer...
in a very different point of view...

~is just one of the many fragment of challenges which life tossed at us~

Memory Log End

feeling stupid

Random Log Start

This few days nothing special happen can said is quite peaceful everything went quite smooth.
Dunno why having this peaceful feeling just make me feel there is something wrong with it haha..
I think i felt like that is because Im missing something...ya...I m missing something, problem is if u knw u are missing something u can go find it but now i duno what am i missing....
I m surely feeling stupid right now....

Random Log End

random log

Memory Log start

Have been looking at some of the past while chatting with Mr. Insomnia
It's really weird, i have no more assignment that mean i should be very relax now...not saying that im not relax....is just that....mayb i have mixed up my time...but during the night while facing with insomnia is very very boring and sure it will feel abit lonely in the midnight
I have a funny habit...which look back some of the old picture and scroll back up what i have said before in my chatbox or sms...
I like to do this is because, I was able to recall back those memory..hahaha....
while scrolling back up....i saw something, something i try to pretend that it didnt meant anything....

A week and a few days have passed.....after that happened....
wonder is that suppose be the right choice hahaha....
i cant said it have changes nothing...surely it will effect more or less....

Random Log End....